Hypothetically
by dontchasethesheep
Summary: "Y-you know, what... what if?" Todd/Neil (yes, it's slash).


Dead Poets Society isn't mine. Shocking, isn't it? :)

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Todd and Neil sat on Todd's bed, their backs pressed together so that Todd faced his desk and Neil faced the window. Their papers and books were arranged around them and crumpled sheets bearing discarded drafts of Todd's poem littered the floor, along with little bits of rubber from Neil's eraser. This was their regular Wednesday night, when they would work on homework sit in companionable quiet, taking comfort in each other's presence, talking about nothing in particular between the scribbling of sentences and the dotting of 'i's.

One evening, the clouds had curtained the sky late in the afternoon so the room was lit only by the yellow glow of the lamp, unaccompanied by the usual white light of the moon. Todd worked on a poem for English class while Neil struggled to finish his essay for history.

"M-maybe you should tell your dad about the play," Todd said for the umpteenth time.

There was a pause as Neil carefully erased a sentence from his essay. "Todd, I'm not gonna do that. It would ruin everything, so let's not even talk about it, okay?" he said firmly, brushing the remains of the eraser off the bed. "Here, can you read the last paragraph? I can look over your poem."

Todd exhaled heavily but twisted slightly to accept Neil's notebook and reluctantly surrender his own. The room returned to its quiet state for half a minute.

"Well… hypothetically then," Todd said as he added a semicolon to one of Neil's sentences. "What would happen if you did tell your dad?"

"I said I'm n-"

"_Hypothetically_. Y-you know, what... what if?" Todd pressed.

Neil furrowed his brow. "Hypothetically," he finally said emphatically. "Completely _hypothetically_, if I told my dad... he wouldn't be happy. You know, I've got to make my mother proud, and being a fairy in a play, even one by Shakespeare..." Neil chuckled unhappily. "He would probably force me out of the play, or even worse, Welton. And if I weren't at Welton, I would never see you again. Nor Charlie, or any of the others," Neil added hastily.

Todd nodded slowly and let the subject drop as he eagerly took his poem back and Neil reluctantly took his essay with a look of great distaste.

"That was a really good poem, Todd. You should read it at the next meeting," Neil suggested, as he always did.

"It's no good," Todd said, as _he_ always did. Todd grimaced and ripped the page out of the notebook, crumpling it into a tight ball. He threw it across the room, watching it hit the wall and come to rest on Neil's bed.

Neil hummed and threw the notebook in a more gentle arc and it landed with a small thump right next to Todd's poem.

"Well, when will you ever read?" Neil asked. "You know it doesn't have to be your own."

Todd shifted uncomfortably, gathering the pieces of paper that had collected around him, no longer able to steer the conversation away from himself with their homework.

"Neil, I thought… I thought we agreed to leave this alone," Todd said. "I'm can't- I'm not going to read."

"Hey, hypothetically, remember?" Neil chided.

And although Todd was facing the opposite wall and couldn't see Neil's face, he could tell he was smirking.

"N-Neil," Todd protested weakly. Neil remained quiet, and Todd sighed. "Well, hypothetically…maybe I'll read … when I know… when I find…" Todd trailed off, mumbling the last words so softly Neil couldn't quite tell whether he was still speaking.

"Find what?"

"Nothing," Todd said quickly.

"Hypothetically, then," Neil retorted.

"That's not how 'hypothetically' works," Todd protested, playing with the pencil in his hand.

"So? Find _what_?" Neil asked. "Find the … courage?"

Todd shook his head. "F-forget I said anything."

Neil paused for a long moment before acquiescing. "Fine."

Todd allowed himself to relax, but that was before Neil spoke up again, apparently unable to keep from guessing a couple more times. "Find the right poem? Find a girl? Find-"

Todd involuntarily tensed. He closed his eyes and hoped that Neil didn't notice his reaction, but with their backs pressed together, there was no way he could've missed it.

"A girl? Really? I thought that was Knox's thing…" Neil teased.

"They aren't really my thing at all," Todd muttered softly.

Todd clapped a hand over his mouth in horror, mentally banging his head against the wall and fighting the very strong impulse to run out of the room. He closed his eyes, praying to any and every deity that Neil didn't hear or didn't understand what he meant. But going by the tense silence that blanketed the room, Todd realized Neil definitely figured it out. If the words alone were unclear, Todd's reaction to his confession probably verified it.

"Th-this is… this is all hyp-hypothetical," Todd amended nervously, started to tremble under the stress.

"Yeah… hypothetical," Neil said vaguely.

Todd's grip tightened around the poor pencil and they sat in silence for ten seconds - Todd counted. He had just came to the conclusion that Neil would never want to look at him again when Neil spoke.

"Hypothetically," he repeated.

"C-completely," Todd agreed, nodding.

"All of this is theoretical."

"Yes."

Neil paused. "Then… hypothetically… what if…" Neil said softly, "what if … girls... aren't my thing either?"

Todd froze.

"And," Neil continued hesitantly. "what if, hypothetically… I… really… _really_ … liked my roommate?"

The pencil Todd had gripped so tightly fell, clattering to the floor with startling volume. Neil turned around ever so slowly and Todd mirrored him until they were facing each other and their hands were barely brushing. All Todd could see was Neil's eyes, hopeful and earnest. His own were glittering with tears. Why, Todd wasn't quite sure. Agonizingly gently, Neil took Todd's hands in his and took a steadying breath in.

"And hypothetically, if I were to kiss you right now…?" Neil whispered.

Todd looked down at their intertwined hands and took a shaky breath before nodding weakly. He looked up and met Neil's anxious gaze.

"I-I think I'd be o-okay with that," he murmured.

So Neil brought his lips to Todd's.

Turns out it wasn't hypothetical at all.

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AN: I am a little unsure about publishing this one so I would appreciate it very muchly if you took a moment to drop a review, please and thank you :) It means a lot.


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